9:55 am

I realized I haven’t taken a body selfie in a while. With that, I also realized I haven’t posted one. I think that's weird. You wanna know why I think that’s weird? Because I would say I actually very much like how I look now, probably more than I did when I was. I would say I am closer to my goals than I was before. Does that mean I am ‘smaller’? Yes, but am I also stronger and more muscular? Yes. And becoming ‘smaller’ does not equate to happiness, though I want to say that I am happy. You could possibly say happier but other factors come into play with that. Sorry, yes, I know controversial. But this is for ME, I, myself, for myself, am happier ‘smaller’. Let us also not forget I am also a small person to begin with, so just, respectfully, common sense, I would feel better, look better, and be healthier with less on me. 4’11 baddie, 5’0 on a spicy day. Also lets clarify again, I want to be a muscle mama, so ‘small’ is actually not how I would want to be described, thank yew.

Anyway, I realized I’ve been hiding her. Not intentionally; subconsciously. I just don’t want to be seen and loved just for my body. People did treat me differently once I lost fat and I can’t imagine it being any different, especially with the unfortunate skinny epidemic occurring right now. But I am still the same person, same personality, just with shrunken fat cells. And yes, I guess when I say ‘seen and loved’ and people, I mean men. They never really looked my direction much then but they sure started to and do now. But nothing's really changed; I am still the same person, same personality, just with shrunken fat cells. I don’t know, I guess I just feel the closer and more I get to loving myself and my goals, the more I want to keep me to myself? I have always been a one-piece girl and probably still will be with summer approaching. I just want to feel seen and loved for more than my body, I think that would be pretty cool. I think I am pretty fun and funny, I tend to stumble over my words and ramble when I am nervous, I shake sometimes and I don’t really like when people talk about it, and you will always be able to tell my real laugh from my fake one. All those to still be the same if my fat cells grew, but would the love be?