7:48 pm

It’s a weird thing to be scared to do something you like know you would be good at but for some reason don’t think you will be. Like whenever I see someone looking or staring at me I am convinced I am doing something wrong and/or they are thinking badly of me. But I am also just learning and if they told me what I need to do or do better, I would. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me or I can’t do anything right, there could just be a better way which is totally okay. I think though if I don’t hear some validation that I am doing good then I am going to assume that all the looks and stares means I’m doing bad. Am I insecure? Like yea, duh. Or maybe I grew up to feel I was never doing anything right (except for school :p). Who knows. All I know is that I do need to hear sometimes that I am good at what I do, I honestly don’t feel like I get much recognition otherwise. But then I wonder why do I need other recognition, you get it from yourself jazzy girl? I think I shouldn’t need other peoples recognition, kudos, or validation. But like you can’t just survive off of your own kudos can you? I think having it all be intrinsic is exhausting me just a bit and yes I should be able to think I am good at it all on my own but that is hard, I don’t know why but it is. Sorry not sorry, but I need to hear that I am good from the people I am surrounded with and by. In this sense I am very much meaning a job. Like maybe I care too much but I do not care, I never heard caring too much to be a crime but you know what is, murder and murders don’t care, or maybe they do? Maybe I do think too much LOL. Anyways, your career, your job is in essence your life for a certain amount of time (before retirement) and not sorry but I would like to know if I am good at what I am spending my time (which is money) doing. Most importantly I want to be happy and I would be happy with a your doing great every now and again but also please constructive criticism because loving what I do make me happy and being good at what I do make me happy, but being able to be better to help more people makes me happier. JUST TELL ME IM PRETTY.