12:12 pm

My anxiety has gotten so much better since being on Effie (Effexor). However, for some reason, when it comes to men and speaking to them or flirting with them, especially in front of other people and post-rejection (unclear and clear), it suddenly doesn’t work. I can’t look at them, so I miss cues. It’s tough for me to make eye contact, so I seem disinterested. And I become mute because I don’t know what to say. I’m nervous because I think they are cute, and I am thinking people are staring and can tell I am flirting and interested. I don’t know what to do with myself, and then I get so mad at myself because I messed up, possibly self-sabotaged, a good situation. Why didn’t I just start a conversation or make glances, or simply not give a fuck that people could be watching? Very frustrating to think about too honestly. Then, to top it all off, I am intimidating to men?? Now, I didn’t realize the saying was ‘scary things come in small packages’. Yes, I know what I want and blah blah blah, but I thought that was confident, not intimidating, and also confidence where? As you can probably tell from above, I’m internally shitting myself and wanting to get out of there asap before they can see the sweat dripping from my neck (thanks Effie). Regardless of all that has been said, I do think I am making small steps of progress. So no, I may not be able to flirt with them in front of other people, but I am not avoiding men post-rejection anymore, so I can take that as a win.